who knows...

As I continue to think about what may happen in this economy, I am becoming less hopeless. I am not becoming more optimistic, just less hopeless. I realize there is hope. There is hope in God, and what more do I need. It is possible for PES to grow and thrive in this awful recession-filled economy. It may be a miracle, but who is to say it CANNOT happen.

Is it OK to hope for the best?

I am not going to parade around saying it's all just going to be fine and nothing will change and it will all be easy, but is it OK to hope? Am i worried if I get my hopes up that I am setting myself up for disappointment?

Wow, God just brought Psalm 20 to mind. That is what Amy had engraved in my first wedding band. It says...

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

That is awesome. Those are fighting words.

Thanks God for your word that brings comfort. Help me.

Great quote from Amy

My wife who sees the world through eyes more like that way Jesus sees things told me the following when I was freaking out about the economy and what I should do about this...

"take it, absorb it, live in the sweet melancholy of the situation for a couple of moments, then give it up, and let God handle the situation he put you in"

That's some good stuff...

Thanks, baby!

dark days ahead...?

Wow, you just wonder how bad the economy and all that goes with it will be. I am hearing things like this could last until June 2010. That's pretty inconceivable (I don't think that word means what you think that word means).

It's really scary to think about all this stuff. It's also really sad.

You worry about your job and those jobs all around you, at your work and your friends and family. You think about all the time and hours you have invested to make your company what it is and then to see it struggle and not thrive really hurts. You have poured so much blood and sweat and tears into this place and you really love what you have helped create. You don't want this to happen.

I am dying for good news. I want to hear how it is possible this thing turns around in 2 months after the election, I want to hear about some large source of revenue that will come into our office and float us for the next 9 months until the storm has passed.

You just feel so helpless. You fight and work against this onslaught of bad news and dismal outlook, but to be honest, there is nothing you can do. nothing...

I wanted to try and kick this thing in the butt and go out and do all I can to stave off what I think now may be inevitable. You know, that is the wrong attitude.

In the book of Daniel God says he gives the kingdoms of men to whomever He pleases and for some reason he has given me this kingdom or at least a part of it. I need to do everything I can for this kingdom, everything He has asked me to do. He has called me and maybe given me the skills to do what I can and fight against the tide of this recession.

Yes there will be setbacks and difficult moments, but that should not diminish my passion and desire to please God in every way and serve him by trying and not giving up.

No one knows that will happen and how things can change. There is work out there. There is hope. God will give me what I need.

God is on His Throne
He is still crazy about me
I am going to be OK.

OK, let's kick this thing in the butt or at least go down fighting. God, give me the wisdom, direction, and strength to build your kingdom in the kingdom of man that you have given me. May my efforts honor you and I leave the results in your hands.

Fun with Facebook

Let me share with you something that is an absolute blast. Go on someone's facebook page that you know pretty well and recount some very specific details of a fictional time you two were hanging out.

For instance, I put this on my sister's Facebook wall...

Yeah, Jess, that was crazy you going downtown and meeting that guy who sold burritos. Who would have ever thought paper could smell like that. I mean for REAL. I can't believe it when we saw that dog who wore that hat with those things on it's feet that reminded you of that time you spent 3 months in Utah. That was CRAZY...

Ahh, good times...

I am hoping she gets response from her friends asking her when did she spend 3 months in Utah. It is almost like the more random the facts, the more believeable it is.

I now have a new hobby.

Fans in the cold

Oh yeah, I started the last post about how both my wife and I are insane and got a little sidetracked...

One of the things that we enjoy most, besides wild nights of Star Wars movie nights where she dresses up like Princess Leia and I do my typical Jabba the Hutt impersonation, is to sleep in the coldest bedroom we can.

The temperature has dropped now and it gets down into the low 40's. As a result, we have opened our windows even more, kept the ceiling fan on, and even turned on a small fan that blows more air toward the bed.

We have taken out the most heavy comforters and we bunker down under the covers and get ready for the cold. It's wonderful. If I ever question God's love for me, just remind me that He gave me a wife who loves this as much as I do.

Here are a few tips if you want to try this at home...

1- Open 2 windows for good circulation
2- Turn the ceiling fan on medium and never turn it off
3- Make the second fan blow toward your feet. It will circulate the cold better and not freeze your face.
4- Get your own blanket. You cannot handle any unexpected cold-air-inlets from created by your spouse.
5- My wife says use as many blankets as possible without the weight of them pushing your feet down when you are laying on your back. She uses like 4 blankets.
6- Turn your pillow over every time you wake up. It's amazingly cool.
7- Set an alarm clock. You will sleep until 10 am.
8- Give you kids electric blankets so they won't die of the flu or freezing to death.

Give it a try. It's amazing!

A little insanity is not a bad thing.

My wife and I are insane. While it may not come to a shock to most that I am a bit off my rocker, my wife is also a bit loopy in the noggin, and not just because she married me.

You know, that's a pretty awesome thought. My wife is a looker. She has got it going on like Donkey Kong. And ever when we were dating there were more than a few guys trying to get her attention. It's hard to see whatever the hell she saw way back then to look at all those guys who were going after her and pick me. That really blows me away. In all honesty, and in no attempt to be funny, I almost question her sanity or at the least her judgment skills. She is smart enough, I guess, but when it comes to making critical life-altering decisions, I hope she gets a second opinion.

Even now, when I catch her getting dressed or playing with the kids or even bringing in the groceries, I can't help but wonder if she lost her mind way back then when she blew off all those other guys and picked the big goofy one with the burgandy Honda Civic DX with a tape player that worked most of the time and with a stick shift that was not driven very well by its owner. Trust me, my first car was no babe magnet, unless that babe likes very small practical cars with good gas miledge and wanted to get her arms in shape by using the hand crank windows.

Now even when she makes an honest mistake, it is almost like another piece of evidence that my wonderful may suffer from slight retardation in some areas of her life. Now when she forgets to pick up my laundry or when she asks me what I need from the store and suggests she pick up saline solution for the contacts I have not worn in 10 months since Lasik, it is another check mark in the "My Wife May Not Have It All Together Upstairs" column.

While I know she is not crazy or lost her mind, when I see her or hear her laugh or just feel her presence, I am blown away at how damn lucky I am and I have so little to offer back to such a wonderful woman.

But she picked me.

I have no idea why, but I am not going to complain.

Beauty and 5+5=10

My family and I just spent the weekend at my uncle's mountain house in Sky Valley Georgia. We went with Matt and Rachel who are very dear friends.

The weekend started out horribly. We were planning on leaving Friday afternoon around 2 pm. Those plans were shot when my wife began vomiting Thursday night at 3 am. I stayed at home Friday to take care of her. We hoped we could leave Saturday morning. Luckily Matt and Rachel decided to go ahead and go up there on Friday so at least they were able to enjoy an evening up there by themselves.

Saturday morning, we hoped to get up early and arrive by 9 am. We left around 10 and got up there around noon. Also, my wife lost my iPod. My son asked to watch Star Wars Clone Wars TV show on the iPod going up there. So I synced my iPod and gave it to Amy. After being on the road for 10 minutes, we could not find it. So we went home and could not find it there. Even now after getting back home on Sunday, we still can't find it. We have no idea what she did with it.

I was feeling really cranky getting up there. We were late, I felt like we let Jonathan down by me telling him he could watch his favorite show, I was exhausted from lack of sleep, and we still had the stress of Amy's sickness hanging over us.

About halfway up the mountain, I started talking to God and asking Him why we were so late and why did all this stuff happened. I began to laugh as I remembered the interaction of Frodo to Gandalf when he first enters the shire...

Frodo: You're late.
Gandalf: A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

That is what I felt like God was telling me. We weren't late by His time frame. We were going to arrive precisely when He wants us to. It was then I felt the stress sink away and felt like I could enjoy my weekend.

It was a great weekend. The fall colors were absolutely beautiful. We were probably one week away from peak color, but some parts north of Sky Valley, toward Highlands were at peak color. My wife and I totally enjoyed our time together, and with our kids, and with our dear friends.

To cap off the weekend, we had to take a quick detour on the way home and go back to Highlands to get my daughter a replacement mood ring since she lost the one she got on Saturday from rolling down the grass hill in the back yard. We found another ring and this one even fit better than the first one. On the way back home, we passed a closed down ski resort that obviously did not have snow but did have a large slide that kids could use to ride innertubes down the mountain. It had Jonathan's name all over it.

For a mere $15 Jonathan had 2 hours to ride a pulley up to the top of the mountain and then shoot down the hill on an innertube that slid along white astro-turf. There were hills and valleys and it looked like a blast. We could barely see him at the top of the hill.

It was hard to know which one was Jonathan, but we heard his laugh before we recognized his smile. He is just a sampling of things Jonathan yelled or later told us he wanted to yell next time he rode down the hill.

Cowabunga!
I am going to California!
"Wolf-sounds"
5 plus 5 equals 10!
4 plus 4 equals 8!
Screaming like a girl
California here I come!

I don't know why he felt the need to yell math equations. Maybe he thought that given the intelligence level of people in rural north Georgia, they could use a little brush up on their math skills. I don't know.

It's hard to go back to work to an awful economy, bad news everywhere, uncertainty, harsh political landscape, and just dismal feelings when you spend a weekend surround my people you love in one of the most beautiful environments spending time there laughing and just enjoying the company and scenery.

Maybe I should take solace in the fact that there are pockets in this difficult state of affairs in which I can feel the touch of God and see His awesome handiwork. That should be reason to rejoice rather that a reason to dread going back to the "real world". It's all the real world. The vacations, the beauty, the office drama, the scary economy,...it's all part of the same world. The same world that God has in the palm of His hand. The same God that created all that beauty and blessed me with such wonderful family and friends is the same God that is with me at work this week.

"... and that is a comforting thought." - Gandalf

memories...like the corners of my mind...sharp painful corners

I just had someone remind me of something from my past that brought back a flood of memories. There was this game we used to play during Lock-ins at our church. A Lock-in was when all the teenagers would stay in the church all night long and no one would sleep. During these lock-ins, we would play Sardines (just even typing that word brings feelings and smells and very vivid memories to mind).

Sardines is when all the lights throughout the church would be turned off and we would play hide and seek. We would hide anywhere in the church in the dark and someone would start looking. When you were found, you would have to join the seeking party. You would try and find a very secluded spot and stay extremely quiet. Many times the group doing the finding would be in the same room as you and stand right next to you in the dark and would not find you. It was crazy. This game would go on for hours. Thinking back, you have a bunch of teenagers hanging out in the dark, it's a wonder someone didn't get caught hooking up or something. Thinking back, I wish I would have thought of that then...

Those are such vivid memories, that I have not thought about in 15 years. I remember picking a small storage closet behind a classroom in the second floor of the education building. I laid down on a bunch of stuff that I could not see and just laid there and waited and waited. There was no air flow in this small closet and I could hear people come in and out of the room laughing and stumbling over the chairs I had put in the path toward the door of the closet. I was hot, sweaty and silent. The seeking group was having a blast, and I just laid there, in my hiding place, not coming out because I did not want to lose.

But I did lose. Sure I was one of the last ones found, but I lost out on the fun and laughing and community.

I feel like a man again

As some of you may know, my amazing and beautiful wife Amy is very good at video games. A more than small percentage of our Sunday afternoons are spent as a family watching my wife play our Xbox 360. As she completes game after game of all sorts of genres, her Gamerscore continues to rise. It is one's Gamerscore by which you judge yourself against other gamers. My wife's score is approximately 50% larger than my own.

This causes some degree of emotional distress for me. I am sure some other husbands who count video games as one of their favorite past times that could sympathize with me if they were to put themselves in my shoes. If you are not one of those husbands, just imagine if you wife spanks you each week as fantasy football or at golf, straight up, playing from the same tees with no handicaps. Or imagine if your wife frequently fixed your car because you were too inept. While some of these things sound fun for a while, almost as a novelty, after a while of getting your butt handed to you, it gets a little old.

For example, I was playing online with a few friends from work. We were playing Call of Duty 4 and I was playing very well that evening. Typically I can hold my own and finish in the middle of the pack. However, this fine evening, I found myself consistently finishing at or near the top. I was destroying all those poor souls who dared enter the arena of death that I was creating. After one noticeably lopsided victory for me, one of my friends asked me if I had given the controller to Amy that evening. Everyone agreed that this was not only an appropriate explanation for my dominance but possibly the only explanation.

I have resigned my household claim as "Superior Gamer" with more than a slight pain in my heart. It's hard to feel like the man of the house when your wife can beat Halo 3 on Legendary and you can't get pass the Tvaso Highway level on the same difficulty. Or when she kills you 34 times in a row with a plasma gun and you have a Gravity Hammer and a Rocket Launcher.

However, there are some times in which it is good to be a man in my house. There are moments, brief glorious moments, that typically involved driving things, when my wife cannot get past a certain level and my skills are requested. Typically, I am in the office reading comics or some other unmasculine activity when I get the call. I run in, and complete the task typically 6 or 7 tries. I then take a moment to bask in the love and gratitude of my wife and kids until I make a quick exit back to the office, feeling a bit more strong and a bit more swagger in my steps.

Yeah, I got mad skills and she knows it...unless she just does that to make me feel good about myself...

Vomit isn't so bad

As we pulled into Blockbuster to pick out some scary movies for tonight, my son announced, "Mommy, I am going to throw up soon." Maybe half a second later, he barfed.

Go here (http://tiny.cc/z5aLV) for new words for vomit. It's pretty funny.

What impressed me was the level of calm my wife and I had as we watched our wonderful son ralph all over himself. It was like, we each had a mission. Took Julia away from the situation away from Jonathan's embarrassment, while my wife began cleaning him up. When I came back with the movies and the Boba Fett bobble head (Jonathan said it made him feel better), I found my son sitting in the back seat wearing only his underwear and a smile. I was handed the soiled clothes and properly disposed of them.

When we first became parents, we would have freaked out. But now, it's not a big deal. It just puke and it gets cleaned up and we move on. It was kind of nice. Not a lot of drama.

Amy and I discussed how we were thankful he did not decide to toss his cookies in the store. What is the proper etiquette if you kid throws up in Target and you have a cart full of stuff? Obviously you alert the store, but do you go ahead and buy your stuff, or do you just call it a day and leave? For some reason, Amy and I believe it is a bit strange to have your kid york all over the floor and then just go ahead an finish up your shopping. Any advice for the future would be appreciated.

My son said he ate too many pancakes. We have been home for about 45 minutes and he is on his second apple. We will see what happens. Maybe more Technicolor Yawn. If so, we can deal with it.

DO WHAT I SAY...because I love you...

It's amazing what a new perspective does on things you grew up on and know so well that you don't even consider them anymore.

I now know that Christianity is more than a list of do's and don'ts. I know that now. Of course, I did not know that or was told that growing up. And to some degree I can see what my pastors and parents were thinking. Here we have a child or a teenager who can get into all sorts of trouble, so let's tell him all these rules so that he won't mess up his life and do something he would regret or make our lives more difficult.

I can understand that to some degree, or let me say that I can appreciate that on some level.

There are a lot of DO THIS and DON'T DO THAT in the Bible, and it's easy to see how someone on the outside sees us straight-laced Christians with our book of rules and sees nothing compelling. I can understand and appreciate that.

But I have seen more and more recently people who have gone through some tough life stuff due to the sin in the life of those around them and I have seen them see these rules in a different light.

Luke 6:46-49 tells the story of Jesus describing what it is like if you do what he says and what life is like if you don't do what he says. He says that if you do what he says, your life will be like a man who built his house on rock and if you don't do what he says, your life will be like a man who built his house on sand and when a storm comes, your house is a goner.

I even remember singing a song in Sunday School...
Wise man built his house upon the rock...
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down and the floods came up...
And the house on the rock stood firm.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand...
And the rains come tumbling down.
The rains came down and the floods came up...
And the house on the sand went...SPLAT!
I used to love screaming the splat and making a big motion with my arms. That was cool.

For some reason, I got the impression that if I obeyed God, He would take care of me. If I disobeyed God, he would punish me by destroying my house with a lot of rain (remember Noah?).

But now that I have been taught and understand the notion of grace, I see things differently. Now when I read that passage, I see Jesus in a different light.

Luke 6:46- "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?"

When I used to picture Jesus saying those words it was with a furrowed brow and angry voice, maybe frustrated and ready to let them have it.

Now when I read that with the glasses of grace on, I see Jesus frustrated but He is frustrated because He loves us so much. He wants our life on earth to be as beautiful and fulfilling as it can be. He wants us to have life and have it abundantly. Note I did not say easy. In his parable, storms do some and according to the song, the floods will come up. He wants us to have a solid foundation and not have a life that can be destroyed. I have seen too many of my friends lives destroyed due to sin. I have seen more tears shed and screaming out to God over the consequences of sin than I have sicknesses and deaths.

He wants us to obey His commandments and do what he says to do because he is smarter than us and wants our lives to be solid and not so subject to the waves and storms of life that will come.

He really does love us. God is not trying to control us, but is trying to give us some guidelines to to live our lives by because He knows what He is doing and I don't.

Fruit Loops on a nice Fall evening

What posses a boy to go outside and take giant steps walking back and forth across the yard eating a huge bowl of Fruit Loops with no milk using a very small spoon? Whatever that is, I need some of that.

bobbers, God, and failure

I am outside with my son because he asked me out here so he can practice fishing. We are planning on going up to the mountain house in sky valley with Matt and Rachel this weekend. We are bringing our fishing poles, to the chagrin of my wife Amy.

My son is all about casting the bobber as far as he can, over trees and to the road. We have lost many bobbers and sinkers in our yard and in the surrounding trees, but that is a small price to pay for my son's happiness and his ability to learn something new.

I just thought that maybe that is the way God sees us. He lets us make minor failures, at least minor to him, so that we can learn larger and more important things. If my daughter, Julia, who is very concern with doing everything well, lost a bobber then she would feel really bad. She would give me that scared look and cover her mouth and whisper, "I'm so sorry." I would have to smile again and tell her it's OK and then give her reason why it is OK. I would have to tell her how those bobbers cost just a few cents a piece and that I can just go to the store and get more. It seems once she understands everything, then she is fine and moves on. Jonathan, however, shows no remorse. If he loses a bobber or two, it is just part of the adventure. I can almost hear him say, "you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet." He has a fierce and wild spirit and does not know when he is in trouble until someone tells him that he is. Julia assumes that if anything happens that is not part of the plan, then she is at fault and will have consequences to pay.

God does not explain everything to us. When I make a mistake, I am more like Julia than Jonathan. I sometimes cringe at how my Father views me and hope that my mess up does not make Him angry or mess up his plans. While I know He still loves me, the same way Julia knows that I still love her, we are both afraid that we have done something wrong and that someone will be disappointed in us.

We learn from our mistakes and my fear for Julia and even myself is we will become so consumed with our fear of making a mistake in front of our Father that we don't take the risks needed to learn something and grow.

There are consequences that need to be paid when a bobber is lost, but those costs, again just a few cents, pale in comparison as I watch my son try to cast his line so far, it will catch the biggest fish anyone has ever seen. And who knows, he keeps practicing, he may just land that fish. I know that there is no way he can catch the big one unless he practices and loses a few bobbers along the way. And I as his father is more than willing to buy all the bobbers he needs to make his dreams come true. Maybe God thinks the same about me.