Advice taken

I had left work early since there wasn't really that much to do and that was the problem. I needed to get away and clear my mind, so I headed for the one place that I can think clearly without distraction and demands.

The golf course.

It was a cold March day and the recession was in full meltdown. Our company was appearing to crumble around us and there was no evidence that it was going to turn around any time soon. My hopes and dreams of making our firm into a remarkable place and growing old and retiring from there was slipping through my fingers.

So with a rush I ran from the pro shop, where Manny, the local golf pro, had given me the go ahead, toward the first tee. Hoping to get in all the holes I could before the light drained away, I quickly teed off. I pushed my first drive right, past the bunker and into the rough. With a quick burst of quiet profanity, I heaved my golf bag over my shoulder and went looking for the wayward ball. As I searched, I thought about how this is how my life feels now. Looking for something knowing that I really don't want to find it and that I probably won't be able to handle what I must do next. I don't want to find this ball on a sidehill lie, in deep rough. I don't want to try to hit this ball under the tree and carry the bunker in some desperate attempt to save par. I don't want to have to make a decision about possibly leaving the company I helped build. I don't want to have to try and keep everything going when I don't know what the hell I am doing even when I have spent my career convincing those around me, at home and at work, that I do. I don't want to have to deal with this.

So I find my ball and it is as bad as my pessimistic attitude predicted. I punch out toward the fairway, and my next shot does not even make it to the green. I hope to chip on and hit the putt and at least save bogey. However my distraught spirit does not allow for a delicate chip and so I skull it over the green. With anger burning in me, I finish the hole with a double bogey.

My anger does not equate to the score on my card. Other issues are raging within me. This round of golf is somehow symbolic of my life at this time. I am angry at God for allowing all these difficult things to happen. Why me?

I walk to the next tee and shoot up a quick prayer asking God to just give me one decent hole. Somehow this will show me that He is with me Hole number 2 is a tough hole that requires a very accurate drive. Typically I push my tee shot here because I don't really swing and so I try to steer the ball into the fairway. So with a bit of hope I swing big and strong and put the results in God's hands.

The ball does not go where I typically hit it, but today it goes even further right than normal into the fairway of Hole number 6. There are 2 golfers in that fairway and they look in my direction as my ball lands. My anger mixes with embarrassment and then quickly turns to despair.

I'm done.

I'm so finished with all of this. I don't want to walk down there and take the ridicule from those 2 guys. I don't want to face another awkward shot. All I asked for was one good hole to show me that God is with me. Some inkling of hope, some ray of light to ignite my faith once again. But no. I am left in another situation that I can't deal with.

Forget this. I'm going back in.

So I do. I turn around on the number 2 tee, leaving my ball in the fairway, and trudge up hill, the wrong way back up Hole number 1 to the clubhouse. It's exhausting and embarrassing. I know I am giving up, but I don't care. All I can think is I don't want to do this anymore.

With my head down and tears beginning to fill my eyes, I walk past the pro shop. I hear the door open and Manny pokes his head out. His face is filled with surprise but ringed with compassion. With a soft voice he says, "Mr. Glaze, you can't just quit. You gotta finish. You should always finish."

I can't look him in the eye. I know with all I have that he is right. I sputter out a quick, "I know" and head to my car. That is one of the last rounds of golf I play before our finances caused me to put the sticks away for a long time.

Fast forward almost a year...

The recession has not given up, but neither have I. Those words spoken by that wise old golf pro rang in my heart as things got even worse. Difficult decisions were required of me and my family. Some decisions seemed almost impossible to make, but God was with us and held our hand and gave us the strength to continue to follow Him.

While those dreams of retiring with my company have been put aside, a new challenge has presented itself and we believe this is what God has been preparing us for. This is an exciting time for us and while we bear heavy hearts in leaving what is familiar, we are looking forward to the opportunities God has for us in this new step.

I am happy to say I recently picked the sticks back up. One of my first days back, I found Manny and told him how his words helped me and my family through a difficult time. He said he remembered that day and was glad he could help. I can't thank him enough.

So, we have a new set of holes in front of us. I'm pleased to say that my current company seems to be doing well. It's nice to know that I am leaving it in good shape. My family and I have no idea what God has for us, but it is our prayer and hope that He will give us the strength to meet those challenges and continue on with Him playing the ball as it lies.