Take note

One thing I have learned in my walk through this thing we call life, is to take notice. It may sound a bit narcissistic, but I have found it helpful to notice those things, good and bad, that affect me most. By noticing these things, over time, I learn more about how I am uniquely made by God and learn more about my place in His plan. I have found it difficult to make definitive statements about myself. It would seem like the person who would know me best would be me, but that is not the case. Wading through all the voices in my head and my many moods and emotional swings, in an attempt to get to the real me can be a daunting task. How do you know that some desire or reaction is not just a product of my random emotional state that day or the fact that I happen to be trying to give up caffeine, so I am a bit on edge? There is always some thing or event that appears to be unique to today or a season of my life that "gets in the way".

So I have learned to look for patterns. And those patterns tell a lot of about me and who I am and my special place in God's plan.

Tonight as I was driving home from hanging out with a friend, the U2 song "Yahweh" began to play. I was reminded of a time in my life in which that song would consistenetly bring tears to my eyes and specifically one line...

Take these lips
So quick to criticize
Take these lips
Give them a kiss

That last line used to mess me up. I remember one time turning into a blubbering idiot from that last line. I was also reminded of my favorite part of the movie The Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe". It was when Lucy and Susan meet Aslan after he comes back from the table. When they realize he is alive, they run their fingers through his mane. That affected me more than any other part in that movie. Also, I have noticed that when I am separated from my wife for a while, either through distance or one of us is sick and quarantined in the upstairs room, I don't feel like we are really back together until I can give her a big embrace and feel her in my arms. That's when I feel normal again.

A few years ago, I was meeting with a spiritual director and he had me take a test called Sacred Pathways, which described the many ways people relate to God and gave you an idea as to which of those paths you most easily relate to God. Sensate was one of my most strongest characteristics. One way I relate to God is through the senses. I love seeing the things of God, and hearing music about him, and smelling the incense when I went to the Orthodox church, and tasting the bread and the wine during communion. But touch is more difficult. I can't really touch God now, but I long to. I am really looking forward to holding his hand one day and feeling his strong arms around me. For some, this may seem weird, but it is how he made me. I can take comfort in the fact that one day I will be able to hug my Savior and that thought helps me travel this life and gives me some strength to do what he has called me to.