Putting those you love first

Sometimes specific situations allow you to see yourself as you truly are and it causes you to cringe.

My son is a great kid. I love him with all I have. He brings me so much joy, but he does not do so well in school. Since he has been born, he has embodied the definition of the word boy. He loves superheros and Star Wars and guns and bears and adventure. He is a free spirit and we have tried to keep that fire within him. We have tried to not let the pressure to fit in and be what is best for us determine who he is. For instance, it is a bit difficult to allow him to decorate his room like he wants verses what we think looks good and shows well to company when they come over. His room is filled with stickers and posters of Transformers, Iron Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, Georgia Tech, Wall-E, dragons, Swords, moons and stars, knight shields, legos, and Superman. It looks like a mess, but he loves it and this allows him to be himself and be in control of his little part of the world.

We ensure he is respectful and well behaved, but we did not want to stifle his spirit. This has not worked as well now that he is in the second grade. He is a smart kid, but not necessarily book smart. He knows how the world works and how machines operate and systems behave. He is great at math. He does not have the patience to sit down and reread part of a book to answer comprehension questions. He does not like to take the time to follow the rules in punctuation and capitalization. His stories are great, he just does not see the need for all the rules and just wants to move on to the next adventure.

So we received a letter from school. He passed the reading level required, but not by much, so they want to put him with a special teacher part of the day to help his reading. My pride did not take this well, for some reason I met this letter with sadness mixed with anger. Why would I look on this so negatively? Should I not be happy that my son will get the attention he needs? In this new class he will grow and learn and be better off than without the class. But I let my own pride and selfishness get in the way and I don't want him in that class, because in some stupid way, I think this looks bad on me.

After just a week, he is reading better, and happier in school and things are great. I cringe at how I responded to this.

I put my own image and self-worth ahead of what is best for my son. I did not look at what is best for him, but was too occupied in how this might reflect on me. That is amazingly selfish and awful. I am so ashamed.

My role as a father is to do what I can foster the growth and betterment of my son. The role of my son is not to make me look good or to provide some external image or reputation that I can carry around. My son is not a trophy that I take off the shelf and polish up to show off to others. A trophy has no value apart from the person who owns the trophy. My son is so precious that I should pour all I have, including my identity and reputation into making him better than I ever dreamed of being. My role as a father is to serve my son so that he has the best chance possible to fulfill God's purpose and plan in his life. I know God's plan for my son is amazing, and I will serve God and my son by giving whatever I have to putting him in the best position possible to serve God all his days.

Now, I see that letter and am very thankful that his teacher identified a possible issue with his reading and now that issue is being addressed. He has a better chance at succeeding in his life and being able to fulfill God's plan for him now than if that letter had never come. Sure, I could have lived in the delusion that my son was perfect, so therefore I am more awesome, or something stupid like that, but by sacrificing my perfect ideal, my wonderful son is much better off.

I pray his adventure is grander than mine. I pray he reaches heights that I never dreamed possible. I pray he sees things I will never see and goes places I did not know existed. I pray he continually feels the smile of his father and his Heavenly Father as he grows into the powerful and passionate man God has called him to be.

I love him so much. I love him more than I love myself. That makes me happy.

What a great trip it is going to be.

Now I gotta go play army with him or watch Pirates of the Caribbean...