Success verses Purpose

I don't want to be necessarily successful at something, I just want to know that what I do is what I am supposed to do.

For instance, I saw a documentary on music and the human brain and the connection between the two. I learned of a man who suffered from autism but who could play anything on the piano only having listened to it once. He did not just play exactly what he heard like a computer play-back, but he played with the melody and made it better and his own, but still it was at its core, the song he had just heard for the first time. I made a comment to my wife that when God created him, God knew exactly what his place and role on this earth would be. This musician does not question his ability or his "calling". What he does flows from him as naturally as breath.

Tiger Woods was put on this earth to play golf, Mother Theresa was put on this earth to help the least of these, Martin Luther King, Jr. was put on this earth to speak for the oppressed. Jackson Pollack was put on this earth to paint. Woody Allen was put on this earth to make movies.

Now those are people who everyone knows, but I have friends who are similar. A guy who I went to high school with was put on this earth to make movies, and while he may not have made anything with a million dollar budget, he loves what he does and he is not swayed. One of my closest friends is so talented in the music business. He does not even give himself the credit he deserves and every time he thinks of getting out of the business, I cringe. Luckily God has done about everything to keep him in it.

That is what I long for. I would love a singular directive from the God who made me so that I could give all my efforts toward that end. Even if I did not succeed in the eyes of those around me, I would know I was doing what I was called to do and not have to deal with the questions and doubts that surround me on a daily basis.

I am thankful for those who have found their purpose and who allow others to enjoy their work, such as artists, architects, engineers, scientists, doctors, etc. I am now watching Tim Reynolds and Dave Matthews in concert so that I can enjoy great music on a warm July evening. I am thankful for the Belgium monks who made this Abbey Brown Ale of which I have partaken. I am thankful for those who have used their talents and directed their passions to make the world a better place.

The question is, "what is my talent?"

If I was honest, I would admit that I still feel like that kid about to graduate high school who gets very quiet and looks at his shoes when he is asked by every adult, "so what do you want to do with your life?"

I imagine most people feel like this. They have fallen into a vocation out of laziness or pressure from within or from outside, but still feel like a bit of a round peg in a square hole. I at least hope others feel like this. It would be a bit disheartening to find out everyone gets up in the morning with a singular purpose that has been clearly communicated by the Creator of the Universe with no doubt or questioning. If that's the case, don't tell me.

I don't know...

Maybe this is my attempt to control my life. If I know my purpose, maybe I don't need God. It's almost like getting directions from someone then taking off to follow those directions. God does not want me to walk this journey of life like that. He does not want a preliminary meeting where He tells me what He wants as clear as possible so that I can then take off and live my life without a daily walk with Him.

Is it OK to know what you are supposed to do tomorrow, but have no idea 5 years from now? While this seems like the right approach, this will only get me where I am now.

Anyway...this is boring to me now. Too introspective and whiny. Gonna listen to some more music and think about this. The Abbey Brown Ale will help.

ha ha.