I just need to tell all 2 people who read this that I love British Sea Power....whew...I feel better...
http://www.britishseapower.co.uk/
27 April 2009
hope is what I need
I open up Chrome, Google's completely awesome internet browser, and notice that the majority of my most visited websites are news websites and some are completely devoted to finances...CNN, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Bloomberg. Now I have never traded a stock and would not know a corporate bond if it met me at the bar and gave me a open mouth kiss, but for some reason I visit a lot of sites that deal with finances and the economy. Why would a adequate engineer who loves Marketing and Star Wars visit all these sites?
...hope...
I want hope. Hope is the drug I require in massive doses. Hope is what keeps the smile on my face and the song in my heart. Hope drives away the voices in my head and the darkness that can so easily envelop me. Hope...Hope...Hope...I need hope.
I scour these sites and many others in an attempt to find enough evidence for that day, moment, hour, minute, whatever, to make me feel that it will all be OK. I hope for green figures in the Dow and if it is red, I look for reasons that me, a guy who hated Engineering Economics so much he did not go to most of the classes at Tech, can explain it away and tell myself this is just a blip and we will get back to a roaring economy in a matter of minutes.
I look for optimistic economists like my dog searches for that dropped french fry. I ignore mountains of pessimistic information that will just confirm the destruction I know awaits me. I develop selective memory and when someone tells me something that contradicts my hope, I run to my computer and search and search for reasons why they are wrong. I need hope.
This is exhausting.
The truth that things may get worse is so overwhelming, I cannot face it. I don't want to face it, so ignorance is bliss...if I am going down, I am going down with a smile, even if is a false smile painted on with a nervous hand.
Every time I open up Chrome to begin my search for reasons why I will not be homeless or have my dreams and my work over the past 13 years disappear like smoke, I hear a still small voice...it is familiar, but I don't want to listen...it requires too much of me.
"Do not put your hope in these things. Put your hope in Me."
Lam 3:24 "The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him"
But I push that away, because He asks too much of me. This is easier and quicker. And, to be honest, He may not have this work out like I want it to. He may have this firm I have devoted so much of my life to creating and growing into such a beautiful thing disappear. He may take away this job position I worked so hard for and just now got a small taste of...a taste that was better than I ever imagined. He may not do it my way. I know this because we have a history together and He has a tendency to do it His way rather than my way. Sometimes His way scares the crap out of me.
So no...I won't listen to the voice and for the 14th time this week type "Recession End" into the search engine and pray to Google to give me hope...fleeting, easy, shallow, hope knowing I will be back again soon.
...hope...
I want hope. Hope is the drug I require in massive doses. Hope is what keeps the smile on my face and the song in my heart. Hope drives away the voices in my head and the darkness that can so easily envelop me. Hope...Hope...Hope...I need hope.
I scour these sites and many others in an attempt to find enough evidence for that day, moment, hour, minute, whatever, to make me feel that it will all be OK. I hope for green figures in the Dow and if it is red, I look for reasons that me, a guy who hated Engineering Economics so much he did not go to most of the classes at Tech, can explain it away and tell myself this is just a blip and we will get back to a roaring economy in a matter of minutes.
I look for optimistic economists like my dog searches for that dropped french fry. I ignore mountains of pessimistic information that will just confirm the destruction I know awaits me. I develop selective memory and when someone tells me something that contradicts my hope, I run to my computer and search and search for reasons why they are wrong. I need hope.
This is exhausting.
The truth that things may get worse is so overwhelming, I cannot face it. I don't want to face it, so ignorance is bliss...if I am going down, I am going down with a smile, even if is a false smile painted on with a nervous hand.
Every time I open up Chrome to begin my search for reasons why I will not be homeless or have my dreams and my work over the past 13 years disappear like smoke, I hear a still small voice...it is familiar, but I don't want to listen...it requires too much of me.
"Do not put your hope in these things. Put your hope in Me."
Lam 3:24 "The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him"
But I push that away, because He asks too much of me. This is easier and quicker. And, to be honest, He may not have this work out like I want it to. He may have this firm I have devoted so much of my life to creating and growing into such a beautiful thing disappear. He may take away this job position I worked so hard for and just now got a small taste of...a taste that was better than I ever imagined. He may not do it my way. I know this because we have a history together and He has a tendency to do it His way rather than my way. Sometimes His way scares the crap out of me.
So no...I won't listen to the voice and for the 14th time this week type "Recession End" into the search engine and pray to Google to give me hope...fleeting, easy, shallow, hope knowing I will be back again soon.
Tara is the nicest person of the day
http://monpetitmot.blogspot.com/
Tara Snow is a person I got to know when she worked for an architecture firm that we did business with. I enjoyed every interaction with Tara, especially her upbeat personality and hearing a rumor that she matched her bubbly personality with large amounts of death metal and hard core punk. I still doubt these, but found the combination too much fun.
It was great to learn that her sunny personality comes from her relationship with God...I should have known.
Check out her blog, and especially the awesome stuff she says about me, HERE.
Thanks, Tara...you win the nicest person of the day award...
Tara Snow is a person I got to know when she worked for an architecture firm that we did business with. I enjoyed every interaction with Tara, especially her upbeat personality and hearing a rumor that she matched her bubbly personality with large amounts of death metal and hard core punk. I still doubt these, but found the combination too much fun.
It was great to learn that her sunny personality comes from her relationship with God...I should have known.
Check out her blog, and especially the awesome stuff she says about me, HERE.
Thanks, Tara...you win the nicest person of the day award...
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